By Fatherly Updated Jun 25 2020, 11:09 AM
What are the rules for a truly happy marriage? There aren’t any, really. More like guidelines. Why? Because what works for one couple might be laughed off by another. It all depends. One thing remains, however: couples must know what works for them and be intentional about weeding out the bad habits that can sink their relationship. Because the happiest marriages aren’t happy all the time. They require fluidity, communication, evolution, curiosity, and an agreement from both partners to constantly do the work to help it adapt and flourish. That said, there are things that all couples should pay attention to — guidelines about arguments, bad habits, staying flexible, and more that every couple should understand. Taking note of these 23 pieces of marriage advice — culled from therapists, relationship experts, and more professionals — is a good start.
23 Damn Good Pieces of Marriage Advice
- 1. Remember Your Commitment
(Jeff Goldblum voice) Life, uhhhh, finds a way…to burden partners with a lot of different obstacles. The busy and unpredictable nature of it all can obscure a very important fact: Partners are in this together. You both signed up to ride together during whatever comes your way. And the foundation you’ve built along the way needs to always be top of mind — and sustained. “When there is a foundation of caring and love, then you can trust at all times that you will get through whatever difficulties you are facing,” Janet Zinn, a New York-based LCSW and couples therapist told us. “Commitment means you can gently lay your head on your partner’s shoulder because you know he or she is there for you when you’re vulnerable or simply tired. It’s a basic shared intimacy, and a necessary ingredient to a healthy, happy marriage.” - Assume the Best of One Another
Whatever happens, it’s important to understand that your partner probably means the best. Even if they piss you off something awful, their intentions were likely pure. To assume makes an ass out of you and me, yes. But it’s necessary to maintain the assumption that your partner — however flawed and irritating they seem at times — had the best results in mind, despite the result. “If you assume your partner is doing their best, it is less likely there will be blaming and disappointment,” says Zinn. “And there will be an active engagement to resolve issues as they arise since you know you both have each other’s best interests in mind.” Remember “your best” doesn’t mean perfection – it means you’re giving the situation everything you can at that moment in time. - Don’t Ever Stop Trying
Happiness can be a kind of trap, because it comes in short bursts. It’s like watching a football game with non-stop scoring. It’s great for a quarter, then it becomes boring. You have to strive for contentedness, which is a continuous state of mind, and one that feels doable. “Being happy comes with pressure. It makes it sound like it’s the partner’s job,” Dr. Pat Love, relationship expert and co-author of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, told us. The unavoidable piece is just the commitment to trying. It’s doing things like being generous, showing appreciation, and saying thank you more than you probably are.
Read more: 23 Damn Good Pieces of Marriage Advice All Couples Need to Read | Fatherly