Stonewalling In A Relationship (Spouse refusing to talk?)

These are just some quick tips on how you can deal with stonewalling in a relationship. If you’re the stonewalling person, remember, there is a difference between stonewalling and needing to process. If you need to process, say so, then hold up to your end of the bargain by coming back to it later. But suppose you find yourself wanting to ignore the subject or completely shut down because it’s your way of trying to fight with the other person. You’re trying to get back at them and really piss them off in a way you know is going to push their buttons. In that case, that’s stonewalling, and it is not helpful for the longevity of your relationship. You have to be able to talk about things and work them out.

You may or may not have heard of something called the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Now, if that sounds terrifying, that’s because it is. Researcher John Gottman found that people do these things when they fight, which he calls the four horsemen of the apocalypse. What he found was, if any of these four behaviors show up when a couple disagrees with each other, their chances of divorce are astronomical. And, if a couple would stop doing these four things when they disagree, then their chance of divorce decreases by 85%. That is crazy, and definitely something all of us should know because it matters for our relationships. Now, onto the four behaviors. I will tell you what they are in just a minute, and we’re specifically going to be focusing on one of them today: stonewalling in a relationship.

My name is Kimberly Holmes. I’m the CEO of Marriage Helper. I also have my master’s in psychology, and I am working on my Ph.D. in psychology. We’re going to talk about these behaviors today. I know them from the clinical perspective and having experienced them in my own marriage. I can tell you that when these four things, any of them, are present in an argument with my husband, it never goes well. So I’m going to share with you what those things are and how we can overcome them to become better in our disagreements.

I also want to tell you that I will share how you can get a free resource at the end of this article. It’s a course on how to get your spouse to open up and talk to you; how to get your spouse back in your life, back in your conversations. If these behaviors, these four horsemen of the apocalypse, have been ruining your relationship, then this course is for you. I’m going to tell you how to get that at the end of this article.

But first, the four behaviors, the four horsemen of the apocalypse, if you will, are as follows. There is criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. The one that we are going to be focusing on today is stonewalling.

Stonewalling In A Relationship


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